


Like the Waters You Live Upon

by MissIzzy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Episode: c02e112, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIzzy/pseuds/MissIzzy
Summary: After the battle with the returned Avantika, Fjord must face his new reality.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord
Kudos: 9





	Like the Waters You Live Upon

By the time they enter the tower the night after, it's a relief to get away from everybody. It's been well over twenty-four hours since they burned Avantika's reslain body, along with all the other corpses, in a very carefully limited fire, and scattered the ashes in the winds of the storm, and not quite as long since the yelling ended. They had a day's fair sailing, and maybe the crew is starting to believe what Fjord pointed out afterwards, that last time this happened, they were on the sea for some days after, and Uk'otoa's minions didn't attack again, so they probably need time to regroup. But they've been sullen and hostile to the Nein ever since.

If Lady DeRogna knows what happened, she hasn't spoken to them about it. She seems to have been in her own extra-dimensional abode during the entire battle, since she probably would've at least come up to see what the commotion was about if she hadn't been. The crew don't like her much either, so there's still a chance they won't tell her. But she, to everyone's knowledge, isn't doing much that will directly endanger them on this voyage. Unlike the Nein, who are doing just that merely by being on their ship.

Fjord could tell himself they couldn't have entirely anticipated this. Veth yelled it at the angry captain: "They were all the way down in the Lucidian! Even if we had assumed the orb hitting the water again would be something they could detect from that far away, how we were supposed to know they'd get up here that fast?" And there is a point there.

But whether they should've realized it earlier or not, the facts are no longer in doubt. There is no ocean anywhere in the world he can sail on without Uk'otoa finding him. There is an orb they've currently got in the tower with them they must somehow find a way to destroy, or they must kill Uk'ota, and they have no idea how to do either of those things. And even if they destroy the orb, there is no certainty Fjord's former patron won't still send whatever minions he can simply to punish him.

That reality sits heavily on all of them. They eat dinner together, but there's not much talking, and they drift away afterwards. Caleb goes off to the library, Veth following him. Beau and Yasha also walk out close to each other, sort of looking at each other as they go, maybe not knowing if one of them should say something to the other or not. Jester gazes around the dining area, then takes her blue cat form and also wanders off to lose herself in the tower's workings.

Fjord watches her go, feels the longing that's now turned familiar. But as he's become aware of what he wants, solidified when he took his oath days ago, he's also become aware that while she can be happy on the sea for a time, she probably wouldn't want to spend the majority of her days there, for the rest of her life.

When Caduceus says softly, "If you want someone to stay with you, I'll be happy to do so, at least until we're ready to go to bed," Fjord nods, relieved. The previous night, when they'd clung to each other for warmth under the dome, Caduceus had practically hovered over him, as if he was the one who was supposed to be the protector, and while part of Fjord had been annoyed, another part had been deeply grateful.

"We should go to your suite," he says as they leave the dining room. "I'd like some tea." Also, much as he normally loves his rooms having a ship's looks, right now he wouldn't mind just a little longer away from that reminder.

The tea is hot, and the large chairs are welcome to the both of them. As Fjord drinks, he thinks about how he originally planned to tell everyone this, how excited he was. There's none of that, now, as he says, "I swore my oath. When we set sail."

Even under the circumstances, Fjord does feel a little better, remembering that moment as he recounts it, and Caduceus is clearly pleased by the oath. But he feels his heart sink back down as he says, "So of course I think I would've had to go after Uk'otoa anyway. And I want to. I don't want him to get anyone else, anyone who was like I was. I should be glad for this opportunity, surely."

"But you weren't expecting, I assume, to find yourself, only days after taking you oath, suddenly finding you can't step onto a ship without a bunch of terrifying creatures showing up to try to kill everyone and unleash an extremely powerful evil entity, and also, you don't really know how you're supposed to stop him. I don't think anyone can be expected to not be upset under those circumstances."

It's sensible enough, and it makes Fjord feel less guilty. Finishing the rest of his cup, he says, "I'm going to drag you all into a lot more trouble, aren't I? Yes, I know what you all will say to that, but..."

Caduceus too finishes his tea, then asks, "Are you still certain this is the path you want? I mean, I'm not sure what you'd do if you weren't."

"I am," says Fjord, and of course he means it, knew he would mean it, but the vehemence behind the words does surprise him a little. "Even if this does get me killed for good, it'll be worth it....at least if I don't get killed before I can make good on my oath, I suppose. And right now, I guess that's a risk I'm willing to take."

It hasn't been all that long, of course, since the cleric sitting across from him found him killed on a ship's deck. He was able to bring him back quickly enough, but even when reversed, death is still a thing that doesn't leave you, or those around you. Fjord sees the memory's impact on Caduceus even now.

"I love you all." He's still a little stunned by how easy that is to say, to know. "And I love the Wildmother. But I loved the sea, I think, before I truly loved anything or anyone else." Also by how hard it is to explain further than that, to get his friend to understand why things absolutely have to be this way, even if it cuts his life short. "Being her paladin is important to me, of course, but being it for the open sea? Maybe it's blasphemous for me to say this, but that's even more important."

"I don't think she minds. We all have our purposes in the world, and she understands that." Caduceus gets up and puts his empty cup back by the tea set. He comes over to Fjord, who hands his over. "Meditate with me?" he asks, and Fjord is quick to agree.

In Caduceus' meditation room the two of them initially kneel separately amid the plants, and Fjord focuses on his own mind, trying to feel the Wildmother there, and trying also to not resent her for her not responding to Caduceus the previous day, because he can't just forget that. But after a time, as they come out of it, Caduceus quietly makes his way over, kneels behind Fjord, places him arms around him, and holds him close, and Fjord lets him.


End file.
